I spoke to him last night.
He called, I answered
and to hear his voice
was to reignite a flame
but very little oxygen
was there to be consumed.

It was a slow conversation,
weighed down by heavy layers
of tension and uneasiness
after 3 weeks gone unspoken.
but we sat there, the silence
thickening over the line.

for a while, it’s been difficult
to voice my concerns,
what i’ve learned, what i think,
and curiosity about his stance:
i wanted to express these things
but my tongue remained still.

do i spill my emotions,
when he silences his so well?
i’ve taken my heart off my sleeve;
too much of me was vulnerable.
do i cut her out again
so i may tell him how i feel?
but what’s the use, when all he’ll do
is take it in with no response.

it’s not as if something will change;
miracles don’t happen
in the absence of concern.
he’d have to want it, which he won’t.
i’d have to fight for it,
which i can no longer do.

so i’m left with a choice:
say it now and free myself,
exhale these thoughts that keep me
sinking in diluted love.
or hold it down with lock and key
and digest it on my own
so i may silently struggle
and forever hold my peace.