The First Draft
You were always a little rough around the edges
but frankly, I liked you better as a rough draft
I may not know much now, and this might sound strange
coming from a girl who is a part of your past
But this final version of you seems so set in stone
so firm and structured, no room to bend or grow
I liked your loose pages, paperclips were fine
Now you’re some rigid book with a hard cover spine
you really could have done without the auto-save
you could have crashed a million times
and would recover just the same
But you’ve rewritten yourself and I feel like I’m to blame.
I know I gave you writer’s block, but you didn’t have to change
J… I’ve loved you anyway…
one perfect chapter a day.
But time went by and now you’re short and paraphrased,
all details edited, the loving parts erased
You’ve forgotten who you are and turned into someone else
you show the world a fake edition;
The real you
sits on the shelf
I’m trying to free you but it’s so hard to read you
when the pages I once knew
are no longer see-through
now you’re just opaque
and I can only hope that you find your first draft
before it’s too late
You were beautiful when you were unabridged
but you cut out the best parts
and i don’t like you revised.
I don’t care how many people try to read you
or how many feel special holding limited editions
We both know that I was the only one
to have the original, without the revisions
a signed copy of your love, the ink still wet on my heart
we were a match in your first manuscript
so till death do we part
I’m sorry that I hurt you; we were writing history
But you’re still a part of me
although you’re now a mystery
You were my favorite story
and I was yours once upon a time
Now I’m afraid to read your epilogue, just one lonely line:
“She was, but now she isn’t and no one else will ever be.”
and I just can’t help thinking
that woman
was me.
Love Letters
He placed his thoughts between my lips
It didn’t take long to translate his kiss
His words weighed heavily on my tongue
like a parable unspoken or hymn unsung
His saliva an ink, his tongue a page,
his mouth became a well-versed sage
I tasted sweet words and swallowed them whole
as he kissed his love into my soul.
His love wrote songs of Solomon and psalms
as he held my face between his palms
Truly speaking in tongues, love in disguise,
even in silence, he sounded so wise
His thoughts were loud although unheard,
each kiss becoming a mouthful of words
We spoke a language with lips alone…
Couldn’t etch his love in the Rosetta Stone.
I tasted his love, sweet like ripe plums,
swallowed his voice, warm like white rums
He told me I was his Helen of Troy
Alphas and omegas spelled his joy
Hieroglyphs swarmed inside my cheeks,
ankhs giving life to his silent speech
Found in translation from reading his lips,
His thoughts were love letters, sealed with a kiss.
Black Sand
To walk on a private beach
as beautiful as yours
and feel your love between my toes
Violet waves and pink sun rays…
I could live in your scenery for days.
I tried to own you, keep you to myself
We could have lived together in the cove
Drinking from coconuts,
sucking on mangoes,
making love under full silver moons.
But you sifted right through my hand…
No matter how hard I tried,
I couldn’t hold on to black sand.
It was you all along
but it was never me…
I couldn’t even save a sample
to take back home
and forever have proof of your perfection.
My golden skin
shined only in your presence,
becoming slightly magnetic
but i didn’t have enough of a pull
to keep you from slipping through my fingers.
You still sifted right through my hand…
no matter how hard I tried,
I couldn’t hold on to black sand.
No volcanic eruption’s
wicked lava flow
could come close to creating
this igneous rock
that left my heart a black stone.
so I left you on an island
in some untraceable sea
knowing that I’ll never find you again
but you’ll always be my
black sand.
Organ Donor
Death becomes her,
she who bled
until her skin grew pale
and the floor turned red
See, she so loved a man
that she sliced her chest
to give him what rested
beneath her left breast
A trembling finger
dipped in crimson ink
wrote three lonely words
in the kitchen sink
“I love you.” But the words
slowly dripped down the drain
silent in their path,
stripped of their name
She’d offered him her heart,
but he couldn’t do the same
now her heart rests on ice
waiting to be claimed
Her love seems dead forever,
though her body never died
Some call it murder,
others say it’s suicide
she needs a love transfusion
to revive her icy veins
since she numbed her sense of feeling
to block out all the pain
Maybe she’ll find a transplant
and the heart’s noble owner
will be the one to love her
as she loves her organ donor.
Quantum Physics
You stare at me
through a looking glass
not knowing that I can’t be understood
when I can’t even find myself
when alone in a room
I’m bouncing around
against all walls and odds
trying to find my escape
from an unpredictable fate
how can i be in one place with you
when i’m in every place at once
I’ve lived and died a million times
I’ve seen so many setting suns
i’m the cat in the box
maybe soaking in acid
or playing russian roulette
in another universe
i’m split into halves
thrown into different worlds,
one where i don’t…
and one where i do
tell me, is this the version
where i end up with you?
I can’t tell…
too busy playing catch with twenty-two
can you predict my next move?
can you put me in my place?
tell me your theory
tell me if you win the race
because I can’t make up my mind
my choices hide in the stars
i may be here right now
but tomorrow i’m so far
so don’t try to solve me
or figure me out
just know that at some point
I had trigger in mouth
taking an express train
to a better known version
of me.